Questions

Everyday, I ask myself the same questions: What have I accomplished?Who will stand beside me no matter what? Will I ever have a life? and, the last and saddest question of all: Would someone really miss me if I died? I only found one answer to two of my questions: My mother. She will stand beside me no matter what, and she's the only one who'd care if I died. That's it. I've always been alone, and I'm almost sure, I always will be.
So, What's the point of it all? Why do I keep living? Am I living only to "satisfy" my mom? What if she died tomorrow? Who would I turn to?

If I loved my job, if I had someone special in my life, if I had friends...I wouldn't feel this worthless, I would live for at least ONE of those things! And that wouldn't be as bad. Sometimes I feel as if I'm just staying alive because nature lets me: I'm not living, I'm not enjoying myself...I ain't feeling anything! Well, that's not quite true: I feel disappointment, I feel loneliness and I feel sad every single day.

I can't even sleep at night. When I finally do manage to fall asleep (with the TV switched on, it allows my thoughts to calm down), I wake up in the middle of the night, and I ask myself all the questions I don't wanna ask. So then, I turn the TV back on, fall asleep and three hours later I wake up again! And then, in the morning, I wake up with the exact same thoughts I woke up/went to bed with for the last...I don't know, 7 years maybe?

When I'm awake, the only thing I want to do is go to bed, and when I go to bed I can't sleep. It's exhausting!