Al ver mis horas de fiebre
e insomnio lentas pasar,
a la orilla de mi lecho,
¿quién se sentará?

Cuando la trémula mano
tienda, próximo a expirar,
buscando una mano amiga,
¿quién la estrechará?

Cuando la muerte vidríe
de mis ojos el cristal,
mis párpados aún abiertos,
¿quién los cerrará?

Cuando la campana suene
(si suena en mi funeral)
una oración, al oírla,
¿quién murmurará?

Cuando mis pálidos restos
oprima la tierra ya,
sobre la olvidada fosa,
¿quién vendrá a llorar?

¿Quién en fin, al otro día,
cuando el sol vuelva a brillar,
de que pasé por el mundo
quién se acordará?

Questions

Everyday, I ask myself the same questions: What have I accomplished?Who will stand beside me no matter what? Will I ever have a life? and, the last and saddest question of all: Would someone really miss me if I died? I only found one answer to two of my questions: My mother. She will stand beside me no matter what, and she's the only one who'd care if I died. That's it. I've always been alone, and I'm almost sure, I always will be.
So, What's the point of it all? Why do I keep living? Am I living only to "satisfy" my mom? What if she died tomorrow? Who would I turn to?

If I loved my job, if I had someone special in my life, if I had friends...I wouldn't feel this worthless, I would live for at least ONE of those things! And that wouldn't be as bad. Sometimes I feel as if I'm just staying alive because nature lets me: I'm not living, I'm not enjoying myself...I ain't feeling anything! Well, that's not quite true: I feel disappointment, I feel loneliness and I feel sad every single day.

I can't even sleep at night. When I finally do manage to fall asleep (with the TV switched on, it allows my thoughts to calm down), I wake up in the middle of the night, and I ask myself all the questions I don't wanna ask. So then, I turn the TV back on, fall asleep and three hours later I wake up again! And then, in the morning, I wake up with the exact same thoughts I woke up/went to bed with for the last...I don't know, 7 years maybe?

When I'm awake, the only thing I want to do is go to bed, and when I go to bed I can't sleep. It's exhausting!